Slum Village ft. Dwele - Call Me. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY blog

First off, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY folks. Spend it with your love ones. Just had dinner with the fam earlier. Sizzler's salad bar = crackin. Enough bout that. Let's get straight to the juice.

What I got for you guys today is a simple letter. A letter that explained a lot. The reason for the confusion I've been going through these past couple of days, nvm, weeks. I don't know where it goes from here on out, but whatever it is, I'm ready and hopefully she is too. I appreciate how far we've got. How we were both contemplating on whether or not we shall proceed. When things start to get complicated, that's when you stick with the situation and create something beautiful out of it. I appreciate you. I really do. This letter was written by her for me. Understand us.

2/12/09
"You cant offer yourself when youre not completely there."
"For the pieces that you lack, you expect him to provide."

This may be a whole lot of jibber jabber to you. I haven’t written in a few years. So bear with me.I don’t set too many expectations for myself. I’ve had to experience too many disappointments compared to other people my age. So comes to explain my flow of life. Do as I please, never certain; allowing the possibilities of broken promises or change of plans. Life has never went the way I wanted it to. There are some days where I can say mk, give me the next day. But there are some where I all I want is to skip the next 5 years. Put me in a deep sleep & wake me up when other people have grown the fuck up. Life has been one wild roller coaster. I’ve my share of creating unpredictable turns & whatnot. Others have found their way in thanks to my family. For a while now, I’ve learned to control my part & I’ve stayed on the low. Haven’t done anything that could create a ripple in the pond. But now here’s comes you. At first, I was just talking to you to talk to someone. Kind of end the night type shit. Then I lost my phone. Then we started talking again. Didn’t know what I was getting myself into nor did I expect that id let it get this far. Neil, I’m beginning to think about you a lot. To me, that’s like introducing a new species of fish in my pond. Mkkkkkk, it might get a little weird now. But.. My pond was a calm one. Fish in it swam slowly, in no rush for anything. Lived their days in routine. Swam, ate, took care of wall-e fish, shit, sleep, yadida. With occasional fuckers trying to ruin it by fishing. That’ll represent my family by the way. Now, you’re here. You’re doing your thing. Trying to catch my attention. You’ve got it. You’re definitely doing some out of pond business. Cause your way of life is different. You’re introducing it to me. In a way I’m unsure of what to do. Even after a second’s action throwing a peddle into the water, the pond will still have its ripples for a few seconds following. I’ve worked hard to be where I am now. BLOOD, SWEAT, TEARS, DRUGS. Literally. You’re taking a risk with me. Heartache & time. I don’t mean to belittle that. But I feel like I have more to lose. Its my way of life that I’ve adapted to. Its been me. & only me. I’ve got this far with own mind & my own heart. Adding you in there is big. What I’m trying to say is, this is new to me. Talking to you is a risk. If I take that chance with you, I’m changing my routine. I’m changing what has kept me sane. You’re starting to have an idea what I have to deal with on the daily. you’ve got a taste of my plate, but wait till I give you bite. I get the idea that you’re a good guy. you’ve explained where you stand with abuse. I cant say the same with cheating & what not. But considering how your family is… I think its safe to say that you don’t play. BUT.. Who knows what opportunities will be thrown at you AND what decisions you’ll make. I ask because I need to. It makes it more personal. Kind of naïve, but what other choice do I have if I’m actually going to try this out. Please don’t add anymore bullshit, I have too much of it. You know what would hurt me. So don’t test me. But try & touch me physically, don’t have any doubt that I will stand up for myself. Anything given to me, I give back 10 times fold. Touch me wrong & I will come at you strong. That’s one issue I will not tolerate. I’ve had enough bitch’s hands on me, & for sure as fuckin hell will I allow one finger put on me wrong. I will not hesitate to fight back in church or a wedding. I think I’ve said enough about that. Neil, you should know. & if you don’t completely understand, it ends here.

This is new ground for me. so let me take my time & my precautions.

I’m coming to you with fear. Yes, you’ve been the vulnerable one. But now, I am. My knees are actually shaking.
The greater the love, the greater the pain. The higher one flies, the Harder one falls
Put your patience into use cause its about to have its hardest challenge yet. Like I told you, when I’m at your house, my mind is clear. Kind of hurts me to say, but I didn’t even think of wall-e until I saw a picture of her on my page. I was thinking about you & me. Sometimes I wouldn’t even be thinking at all. I took in the moment. It was peaceful. It wasn’t late into the night. It wasn’t when the rest of the house was sleeping. I was speechless. Now at my house, imagine your regular day is 3 days longer. Emotional & mental burdens chained to the chest. Yea, yea, some people say “why you let that shit get to you?”. bitches needs get hit with reality. Their words are ignorant & their analysis is too. Memories have their effect on people. A certain scent can take someone to a moment in the past. It helps refresh that memory. I have many memories. Some I’ve learned to forget. Some have seem to be replayed, jus a different day & different reason. Same bullshit. Wounds heal into scars. Scars are a reminder of pain.
Be sweet. Be real. Be patient. Be honest. Be understanding.
I can stand on my own two feet, but ill be happy to stand beside you. Happy Valentine’s Day.


-Caroline Espinosa



Thanks for your time and once again HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL. Shoutout to everyone.